Attending the Seahawks Super Bowl victory parade Wednesday isn’t optional, it turns out. It’s necessary.
The Seattle Police Department is calling on all “Certified 12 fans for a special assignment and penned a letter to their bosses and teachers excusing their absence. Yeah — it’s that big of a deal.
Every available police officer has been called in for the parade, which could see up to a million fans in attendance.
Citizens being drafted by a police force may well be unprecedented at such a scale as this, but don’t get dizzy. The police department has made your mission clear.
In order to reverse “a critical shortage of decibel levels in the downtown corridor,” 12s are “required to assist in rhythmic chanting of ‘SEA-HAWKS!’ to ensure the structural integrity of the city remains sound,” police Sgt. Patrick Michaud wrote.
And if you’re going on assignment, like any officer, you’ve got to wear a uniform.
“They must wear a neon green jersey to ensure low-flying osprey can navigate safely via the sheer brightness of the Action Green,” Michaud said.
Police covered your bases too, telling employers and teachers you “will likely be hoarse and smell faintly of victory.” Translation: Don’t be afraid to scream your heart out.
"Please consider this absence '"'Excused for Greatness,' Michaud said.
Should your employer be careless enough to defy police orders, there are penalties set in place.
No threat of arrest, unfortunately, but should your employer impede your ability to complete this assignment, there will be a “15-yard penalty assessed against your company's next quarterly review,” “an infinite loop of the ‘Safety Dance’ playing over your office speakers,” and “severe side-eye from Blitz the Mascot.”
So print out the note, hand it to your employer and get out there. Your team, your city needs you.
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