A person I have great respect for asked me to read a book by Abigail Shrier titled “Bad Therapy.” I did get the book, albeit used, and read it. My friend was curious about my thoughts on the book.
In order to preface what I’m going to say, I want to start with an article I read in The Chronicle published on Feb. 17 concerning parental rights. The article describes a peaceful protest that took place on Saturday, Feb. 15, at the state Capitol in Olympia. The article was titled “‘Enough is enough’: Hundreds rally at state Capital to protect parental rights.”
Parents, grandparents and others rallied to give voice to concerns over the rewriting of Initiative 2081.
It all boils down to parents giving voice to their rights to have control over their own children’s lives, at least until the children are old enough to make those choices themselves. American society has long deemed those rights for certain things to begin at 16, 18 and 21. I was once told by a wise pediatrician that parenting entails establishing guardrails for your children that widen with the child’s age and maturity.
What parent would allow their 2-year-old to walk across a busy street on their own? Parents don’t do that until the child understands the danger of stepping out in a busy street and not looking both ways. We teach them not only to look both ways, but to only cross in crosswalks, and only when they see the walk signal. That’s just what we do — we teach our children to do certain things and avoid others for their own safety.
We also teach them other things. Like to have success in life or achieve a goal, there is no doubt going to be some collateral damage. That means all choices we make come with the risk of coming up against opposition. Good and bad. My grandmother used to tell me, “if you're going to bake a cake, you're gonna have to break some eggs.” She was right.
So, what do you say, let's break some eggs.
The writer of “Bad Therapy,” Abigail Shrier, lives in California. I learned from research that she and her husband and three children live in Los Angeles, California. She is an author of several books concerning raising children and was also a past opinion column writer for The Wall Street Journal. Her book “Bad Therapy” was a runaway best seller. On Amazon, it sold like hot cakes. Yet another thing my grandmother used to say. (According to the American Heritage Dictionary of idioms, hot cake is essentially just a pancake. The phrase originated in the 1800s when simple cornmeal versions were sold at church bake sales and snapped up by the congregation before they went cold. You are welcome to use this in your next trivia game, and you’re welcome.)
Shrier, in her other books but especially this one, hit a nerve in the public's psyche. What’s the book about you ask? Good question. The author sums up her book in the very first line. She postulates that, “talk of a youth mental health crisis often conflates two distinct groups of young people.” One suffers from profound mental illness. They are not the subject of the book. She then goes on to say, “The book is about the second, a far larger cohort: the worriers; the fearful, the lonely, lost and sad”
As a mental health professional, I was a little skeptical, but she does make some very good points. Her concerns, as it turns out, are shared by many parents. No wonder her book was a bestseller. Most, if not all parents, are trying their best for their children. I have never met a parent in life or talked to one in therapy that has said, “It's going to be my pleasure to ruin my child.”
The parental child bond is one of the strongest bonds we know of. That’s partly why divorces can be so very stressful for all concerned.
Let’s do a deeper dive into Abigail Shrier’s book, shall we? Stay tuned because we shall, next time.
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Richard Stride is the current CEO of Cascade Community Healthcare.
