Citizens of this blessed swath of Southwest Washington again stand simultaneously — both united and divided — shouting from the proverbial rooftops, “This is the best _________ in all the land!”
The Best of Lewis County nomination process is churning forward. Residents will decide everything from their favorite sandwich and Asian cuisine to the best dentist and tattoo artist.
Makeshift campaigns will emerge through social media, pushing voters to The Chronicle polls like those annoying petitioners outside Walmart.
Despite the comprehensive list of categories available this year, some segments of our colorful society have been left in the cold, unable to bask in the warm glow of the adulation and respect of their voting peers.
So, without further delay, here are my selections for Best of Lewis County — Misfits Edition.
Best Nachos: All of them. How can I play favorites when it comes to the undisputed champion of unhealthy appetizers? These bastions of flavor and caloric excess are all deserving of the combined praise consistently provided to its individual components. Bless the cheese, the chips, the chives and all their merry compatriots. In the Bible, King Solomon settles a dispute between two women each claiming ownership of an infant. He offers to cut the child in half and give each of them a portion. The true mother relents, offering to give up the baby in the interest of its life. The other seems oddly OK with the violent judgement of Solomon. If the disagreement was focused on nachos, I’d be the second mother. Half is better than nothing.
Strongest Drink: I once swallowed a mouthful of gasoline while attempting to siphon fuel from a junker SUV to a friend’s newly purchased boat. My eyes burned and my throat contracted in a vain, reflexive attempt to prevent the incursion of the vile liquid from further invading my digestive system. Until recently, this was only a repressed memory. It was jolted to the surface after ordering a whiskey and Coke at the Hub Bar and Grill in Centralia. The working man’s watering hole is known for many strengths, including a magnificent staff and a sweet sledgehammer of a breakfast. Count robust cocktails among its multifaceted repertoire. But first, brace yourself for the consequences of willingly swallowing a refreshment capable of powering a combustion engine.
Best Hill: In a land of frequent flooding, this category holds special meaning. It’s often said the affluence of our area can be seen on the looming peaks that form the borders of its many valleys. Still, the best hill isn’t a residential enclave. It’s Seminary Hill in Centralia, a nature-lover’s delight that features miles of trails and seemingly endless opportunities for even frequent visitors. The natural area narrowly edges Centralia City Manager Rob Hill to win the category.
Best Sign: At first, this would appear to be a heavyweight bout between the politically-centered Hamilton Sign along Interstate 5 in Napavine and the weather-tested plywood creation perpetually displayed in the truck of local curmudgeon Chuck Haunreiter. One consistently posts ultra-conservative missives and critiques of liberal leanings. The other puzzlingly seeks to eviscerate a popular, conservative local radio host. In the end, though, neither wins the title. Instead, the nod goes to the many makeshift signs along U.S. Highway 12 near Rochester, pointing us all in the direction of the true meaning of the coming Fourth of July holiday — fireworks. Explosions and colorful pyrotechnics do much more to celebrate the qualities of our country than negative messages splayed across frequently-seen manifestations of discontent.
Best Coffee: As I write this, I feel the weight of a thousand eyes all invested emotionally or financially in the well being of one of more than a dozen local java junctions. My endorsement of a specific business could spell the end of friendships, the criticism of my peers and the need for a disguise when acquiring my next caffeinated fix. Some say shop local, pressing for allegiance toward non-franchised outlets operated by Lewis County residents. Others note that even the big chains employ local workers. Weighing this against my own experiences, I solemnly announce that the best coffee shop is … YET TO BE DETERMINED. Best Coffee Shop and Best Barista are not misfit categories, after all.
The absence of required voter disclosure is the lifeblood of democracy and the protector of difficult choices. Instead, you be the judge while keeping all your friendships intact. Submit your nominations and votes at http://bestoflc.chronline.com/.
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Eric Schwartz is the editor of The Chronicle.
