Traditions are a mysterious thing.
Some are created and passed down with great fanfare and solemnity. But others are born quietly and enter our lives unnoticed. After just a little repetition, you find yourself looking forward to them. They became a high point of the year, a sign that all is well. You miss them if they’re gone.
Sometimes you have an idea to create a tradition. It often turns out a little differently than you expected, and that’s OK. In fact, that’s part of the magic.
When our children were young, I had the goal of taking them out to sing regularly at senior living facilities. We started with Christmas caroling at Sharon Care, a venerable adult care home in Centralia.
I don’t remember exactly when we started doing this, but our youngest isn’t in the first photos because he was sitting on his mom’s lap. He’s 12 now, so that must have been about 10 years ago.
We’ve gone out there just about every year (with the exception of a year or two during the Covid-19 pandemic). This week we went again. My kids are now all firmly in their second decade of life. As their individual personalities have grown, this act of service has become part of them. I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes in parenting, but I think this is something we’ve done right.
My kids and I stand and invite our elders to join us in singing. The kids might play a couple songs on piano. And in what has become a surprisingly wonderful part of the tradition, afterward we stroll among the seniors to chat. We take our time and connect with them, shaking hands and asking names and hearing stories.
This year we met Buzz, who told us about his 47 years working in Wyoming. We loved talking with Donna, who told us she’s has loved singing since she was 8 years old. (She turns 88 on Groundhog Day, she informed us proudly.) My wife and kids had a great conversation with Shelley, who retired after a lifetime as a logger in Onalaska. He mentioned that his father loved poetry, and so named him after one of the great Romantic era poets.
In years past, we’ve met World War II veterans who told us about when they saw their first airplane while growing up in rural Lewis County, or about losing their hearing from bombs going off when they served in the Pacific.
In my mind’s eye, I can still see my kids shaking the hands of these old gentlemen. That’s part of the tradition, part of the growth — helping my kids overcome the natural difficulty of crossing wide generational gaps.
They’ve learned that a few moments of awkwardness quickly turn into warmth and connection.
And they’ve seen times when our elders, suffering from infirmities of body and mind, might not understand them, or might even be confused or angry in the moment. They’ve learned, I think, to see the humanity underlying every one of us in our frailties.
I’ve told them that we are not there to perform, but to give the gift of music, companionship and the joy of the season to our elders.
It’s a privilege to be the keeper, bearer and participant in this simple, precious part of the Christmas season for our family.
Perhaps you could call up your local senior living facility and ask if you could come in to sing or just meet with a few of their residents over Christmas or any time of year. There might be a few awkward moments at first, but I guarantee you’ll be happy that you did.
And by the way, don’t despair if you think your household lacks traditions. You probably actually have more than you think. And it’s never too late to start. A little merriment together, repeated for a year or two, becomes a new beloved memory of the future. Have fun with it!
Keep ‘em lit
Speaking of creating and modifying traditions, it’s time for me to repeat my annual suggestion and request that you keep your Christmas lights up at least through the end of January.
I know that some people think they need to take them down as soon as the Christmas gifts have been opened, but we’re still in the deepest dark of midwinter. Those lights are wonderful and their time is not yet over!
Feel free to take down your Santas, Frostys and other Christmas-specific decorations, but I would love to see everyone keep up the twinkling lights until February.
In this season when it’s dark as we leave for work and dark when we come home in the evenings, your lights will be a great gift to all of us until the days lengthen again.
Whether it’s singing for our elders or sending out your light to passers-by, the Christmas spirit is a gift that gets better with the giving.
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Brian Mittge is feeling festive in rural Chehalis. Drop him a line at brianmittge@hotmail.com. Be of good cheer!
