Quite a few of my Facebook friends have posted something they’re thankful for each day of this month. While a few people found it annoying, I enjoyed reading the posts.
It’s so easy to look at our lives and see what we lack — financially, materially, emotionally, physically. We could be happy if only …
I’ve done it frequently throughout my life. We’d have a great relationship if only … I’d love my job if only … We have a great friendship if only … My house would be great if only … I’d like my appearance if only …
As we approach Thanksgiving, I’ve thought a lot about how I need to switch that thinking on its head, identifying all the good things in my life. When I weigh those against my few if onlys, I can’t help but be grateful.
When I focus on what I’m lacking in life, I place myself in the role of a victim. Victims accomplish little in life, except for complaining. I can’t be happy unless I fulfill that “if only.”
But when I look at the good in my life, why would I complain? I wonder sometimes why anyone in America complains. We are all blessed beyond belief. Why else do so many people flock to cross our borders?
Of course, the holidays also bring heartache, especially for those who have lost loved ones during the year. I’ve prayed frequently for the family of 33-year-old Elizabeth Pham of Centralia, who drowned in the Cowlitz River Oct. 10. Her death pierced my heart, knowing her three little children will grow up without their mother.
Pham, like 15 percent of women who give birth to live babies, suffered symptoms of postpartum depression, caused by emotional and physical changes in the body after delivery.
It’s normal to experience some “baby blues” — moods swings, crying spells, anxiety, irritability, sadness and sleeplessness — for up to two weeks after childbirth as the body adjusts to changes. But when symptoms linger or increase in severity, it’s time to act. Medication and counseling can help alleviate the symptoms.
While it’s heartbreaking to see someone feel so hopeless, Pham left behind a legacy in those three precious children. I hope and pray her entire family heals from the pain of her loss and finds happiness during the holidays. We’ve seen other local people who gave a lot to our community through the years pass away recently — Harvey Brooks, who was quick with a metaphor and left a legacy of hope and healing for alcoholics and addicts through establishment of the Funny Farm; Sherry Fox, who gave time and energy to the Toledo community and schools, whose legacy goes on through the Toledo Food Bank she established; Stanley Ozbolt, a longtime Bucoda resident whose life story was recounted in the “Legacy of Two Lumbermen: The Hemphill-O’Neill Company History.”
While grieving for loved ones who have passed, when we gather together during the holidays, we can keep their memories alive, sharing stories of their lives, discussing the influence they had on us.
As Roman philosopher Marcus Tullius Cicero said, “The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.”
And Thomas Campbell, a 19th century poet, said, “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
I especially love the quote by Helen Keller, the blind and deaf woman who became a well-traveled author and political activist.
“So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.”
When I celebrate the holidays, I’ll share stories of my mom and dad, who have both passed away but left a tremendous legacy in the lives of their six children.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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Julie McDonald, a personal historian from Toledo, may be reached at memoirs@chaptersoflife.com.
