Over the Hills and Through the Woods

RANDLE — After five hours in the backcountry the spirits in the truck were dropping quicker than the near-solstice sun on the horizon. We’d been all over, traversing roads of buckled pavement and pothole gravel, but to no tangible end.

Like a rabbit in the brush or a mouse in the pantry, there is hardly anything as hard to find as the perfect Christmas tree in the forest.

While perfectly pruned trees are readily available at lots all around town there’s just something about the idea of heading to the woods and chopping down your very own Yuletide conifer that makes an overgrown kid get excited like so many Christmas mornings. That’s why permits are offered up for sale by the National Forests around the Evergreen State, so that more families might enjoy the misadventures and associated memories of amatuer lumberjacking.

Christmas tree harvest permits for the Gifford Pinchot National Forest cost $5 each, with a limit of five permits per household. 

With that knowledge in hand on Tuesday I packed up the old truck with supplies, and brought along my 3-year-old son Nokona as well as The Chronicle’s trusty photographer Jared Wenzelburger, just to keep things interesting.

The sojourn to East Lewis County certainly lived up to its billing on that end.

After picking up a pair of permits at Fischer’s Market in Randle, we headed south on State Route 131 and continued motoring toward mountain country once the path turned into Forest Road 25. After a disappointing attempt to secure a stately tree two years ago, in which I returned home exhausted, berated, and in possession of a pair of flimsy Hemlocks, I knew one thing for sure — The good trees are way up high so the best bet is to gain altitude until you can’t go anymore.

So that’s what we did.

Of course, there are acceptable places to cut trees and there are places where the practice is exclusively prohibited so you’ve got to pay close attention to the map that comes with your permit purchase. We learned this lesson a little later than we would have preferred after venturing beyond the Mount Saint Helens National Monument boundary and continuing for nearly a dozen snow slicked miles toward Windy Ridge. It was only after our progress was stopped by the arrival of fresh snow and a father’s caution that we decided to check the map and realized we needed to turn around in order to put ourselves back on the right side of the line. We were just three miles shy of the awe inspiring vista of Windy Ridge when we turned around, but alas, we were in search of Christmas trees, not magnificent vantage points, so we gathered our druthers and loaded back up in the mechanical wagon.

It’s a funny feeling when you know you’ve got to head uphill as far as you can go to find what you’re after, but once you’ve arrived you still haven’t obtained your quarry. As the snowfall turned to rain we traversed each and every spur road that seemed to exude even a modicum of promise. However, since the map provided by the GPNF does not include altitude markings this endeavor resembled a wild goose chase at best as time and time again the roads wound up taking a sharp turn toward the bottom of some shady valley where mostly moss and ferns grow. Even worse, as each drainage pulled us toward its terminus we found ourselves repeatedly winding up in the worst territory of all — Hemlock country.

As roads undulated up and down, and forked left and right, and turned to shady dead ends time and time again the conversation inside the truck became a nightmare nursery rhyme of repetition. “Whoooa, there’s the color we’re looking for!” one of us would exclaim until we crawled up on the promising patch of trees.

We had our eyes tuned into the bluish green of Noble firs so as to avoid the look-alike issues that come with Douglas firs, hemlocks, and a myriad of other tree species. But again and again we would hop out of the truck and examine the woodline only to find that they were the right color but the wrong size once again.

After dozens of fakeouts Nokona had lost his vigor and tucked in for a nap in his carseat. The two fellows on assignment had no such luxury though and we were forced to carry on even as our morale plummeted parallel to the temperature outside.

In our lighter moments we wondered how on earth there could be an entire forest full of the wrong trees. In our more paranoid moments we pondered whether the powers that be were simply selling permits for something that didn’t even exist. Not that there’s any precedent for that sort of thing.

All along we had planned on stopping to interview other Christmas tree cutters but those plans were scuttled when we failed to bump into anyone else in the forest. The only other person we saw all day was when a hatchback whizzed by us heading uphill near the turnoff to the Green River Horse Camp, but they were in a hurry and so were we. The encounter did leave us wondering though. What exactly did the driver of that two-door car know that we obviously didn’t, and how on earth are they going to get their tree home?

As time grew short on our daylight we had all but given up hope on returning with a tree for the office. Our minds wandered and worried. I wondered how we’d be able to explain our failure this time around.

That’s when I hung a hard right down an unmarked spur road that was promising only because it wasn’t the road we were already on. Within a couple hundred yards both Jared and I had already perked up as six foot conical evergreen dotted the shoulder of the gravel road. With authentic glee we took turns pointing out trees that looked like they might do the trick, but we weren’t careful not to get too confident. After all, trees have a way of looking different once you get out of the truck.

But this time around our luck had changed. When we found a spot to pull over our patience was rewarded with a smorgasbord of strong limbed Douglas firs between five and seven feet tall that would fit the bill. Waking up Nokona from his nap we grabbed cameras and saws and hopped off trail to hunt our pick of the forest. Within 15 minutes we’d picked out two perfectly adequate specimens, chopped them down, tagged them, and loaded them in the back of the truck with a heady mixture of relief and accomplishment coursing through our veins.

With our Christmas trees in possession we took a few moments to enjoy a roadside picnic and congratulate one another on a job well done. Mostly, we were grateful to each other for maintaining relatively positive attitudes and avoiding any breakdowns of either the mechanical or mental variety.

As we wolfed down our turkey sandwiches and animal crackers I realized that our saving grace may have been the cache of snacks and the thermos of coffee I had wisely packed in the morning. This is especially true when adventuring with a toddler. If you do it right, you’ll probably think it’s too many at some point on the trip, but it may very well wind up being your saving grace later.

Better safe than sorry.

As an admittedly amateur Christmas tree hunter I will offer just two more morsels of advice.

First, remember that it is easy to get “tree drunk” inside your automobile. With trees whipping by for hours on end the scenery has a tendency to conglomerate into a homogenous sea of green that makes it near impossible to proffer accurate guesses about where the “good” trees are. It’s imperative to retain the perspective that every sprout and shrub is different. You must see the difference.

The other side of that coin is that the only way to fail at your mission is to lose patience and hope. There is no doubt that the right tree is waiting out there for you, and you will find it in time. The only way you’ll come out a loser in this game is if you give up entirely or opt to settle for a subpar specimen. 

According to a press release from the GPNF the most pragmatic step you can take to ensure success is to leave early in the day and to make sure you are prepared for any number of unforeseen circumstances.

“Winter weather in the forest can change rapidly,” according to the National Forest. “Most forest roads are not maintained for winter driving. Forest staff recommend bringing traction devices and a shovel, extra food, drinking water, winter clothing, blankets, a flashlight, and a first aid kit. Don’t forget a tool for cutting the tree and a rope or cord to secure it to vehicles. Tree cutting and travel may take longer than anticipated, so let a friend or family member know where you’re going, get an early start, and leave the woods well before dark,” read the GPNF release.

Permits can be purchased in person or online (openforest.fs.usda.gov) and utilized through Dec. 24.

Locations where Christmas tree permits for the GPNF can be picked up include:

National Forest Locations

• Gifford Pinchot National Forest Headquarters

• Fort Vancouver Visitor Center

• 1501 E Evergreen Blvd, Vancouver, WA 98661; (360) 891-5001. Hours: Tuesday through Saturday from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

• Mt. Adams Ranger District

2455 Highway 141, Trout Lake, WA 98650; (509) 395-3400

Hours: Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

• Cowlitz Valley Ranger District

10024 US Hwy 12, Randle, WA 98377; (360) 497-1100

Hours: Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m.to 4:30 p.m. (Closed 12:00 to 1:00 p.m.)

• Mount St. Helens National Volcanic Monument

42218 NE Yale Bridge Rd., Amboy, WA 98607; (360) 449-7800

Hours: Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

• All Forest Service offices will be closed Thanksgiving Day Nov. 28, 2019.

Vendor Locations (Call for hours of operation and information):

• Amboy — Amboy Market, 360-247-5421

• Amboy — Chelatchie Prairie General Store, 360-247-5529

• Cougar — Lakeside Country Store, 360-238-5202

• Cougar — Cougar Store, 360-238-5228

• Cougar — Lone Fir Resort, 360-238-5210

• Kalama — Kalama Spirits and Tobacco, 360-673-4991

• Carson — Wind River Market, 509-427-5565

• Home Valley — Home Valley General Store  509-427-4015

• Trout Lake, WA — Little Mountain (True Value) Hardware, 509-395-2773

• Stevenson, WA — Main St. Convenience Store (open 24 hours) 509-427-5653

• Ashford — Ashford General Store, 360-569-2377

• Ashford — Ashford Valley Grocery, 360-569-2560

• Elbe — Elbe Junction, 360-524-7707

• Elbe — Elbe Mall, 360-569-2772

• Packwood — Blanton’s Market, 360-494-6101

• Randle — Fischer’s Market, 360-497-5355

• Randle — Randle One Stop, 360-497-3261

• Kelso — Sportsman’s Warehouse, 360-423-2600

• Vancouver — Sportsman’s Warehouse, 360-604-8000